Taste of Cherry

we don't need to know reasons why he would wanna kill himself because deeply inside all of us is an understanding of the world and place we live in.

while its good to be optimistic, you never know when it eventually turns into denial.
thinking about the taste of cherry, i wanted more but at the same time, maybe there is nothing more to it that we need to know. i've felt the way badii hides his intentions in his appearance but doesn't hesitate to reveal them. i cut myself on both my arms 2 times, once last year and once last month ago. even to myself, i felt sad but didn't fully understand my reasons. i feel like badii doesn't fully understand his either because why do we wanna hurt or kill ourselves?
you could say its deppresion and sadness but is it really that simple of an answer most of the time?
sometimes it feels like deppresion is simple, that it just there for a long period of time but no, deppresion is in my opinion very hard to understand in some cases and where it can come in and out of life. it depends on multiple things in the moment.
i could feel decent at one moment and then quickly shift to the most unhappy girl in existence. it might be because of the meaning i bring to the world, a song, the wrong words from other people, my own thoughts that spiral out of control, articles on the internet or the paper, the darkness of the night, social structures, my job or whatever happens.
why did i cut myself?

(watch my feature film https://boxd.it/cQ1mBp )